mamazoom:

Front Magazine, February 2006

If you could spend this Valentine’s
Day with anyone, who would it be?

JB: Moira Stuart. I’d like to see
her all tousled and disheveled.
NF: I’d like to wake up next to
Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of
love, because then I could pretty
much guarantee I’d had a good night.
Or Medusa, she’d be good, although
you’d have to make love to her in a
mirror. She’d have to be behind you
and using her snakes somehow. Maybe
Aphrodite and Medusa in a three-way.
We’d need a mirror on the ceiling or
something like that.

You two will be spending Valentine’s
Day together, what with being on tour.

JB: We’ll probably wake up together
on Valentine’s Day, covered in, um,
spunk. That would be weird, waking
up next to Noel.
NF: What, again?
JB: We make love after every show.
If a show goes well we have loving,
tender sex, and if it goes badly, the
sex is angry.

What gifts turn a woman into putty
in your hands?

NF: A leopard. A palm tree. A frozen
raven. A white tiger cub. Or a
robotic owl.
JB: Something lethally poisonous.

If you had psychic powers, would
convincing a girl she loved you be
a romantic use of them, or serious
emotional abuse?

JB: That’s a misues of voodoo.
NF: I think it’s all right if you’re
a voodoo shaman.
JB: No, even then it would be wrong
to use it to get women. You’d be no
better than those men with books of
techniques on how to chat up girls.
It’s wrong and sad.
NF: It’s all about chemistry. You
look at someone and either fancy
them or you don’t. Girls don’t think,
“He seems nice, I wonder what sort of
hobbies he’s got.” They’re not going
to go, “Bill likes tennis, and I like
tennis, so I like Bill.” They’ll
fancy someone called Chuck, even if
he murders people.
JB: “Chuck’s lovely. He kills people,
but we have such a laugh.” You’d
be better off using your powers for
something like laundry.
NF: If you were a witch using your
powers to pay your council tax,
that’d be acceptable.

You’re bothe people who enjoy hair,
both on the face and about the head.
Is this something women respond to?

JB: People respond to my moustache.
I don’t ever consciously do a beard,
but sometimes a beard does me. I’d
like to extend my moustache downwards,
but I lack the genes. Ear hair could
perhaps be a new look for me.
NF: You could gel it into horns.

Is being a duo a bit like being in
a couple?

JB: Yeah, I suppose it is.
NF: It’s a bit like being a couple in
a porn film in the Seventies.

The Mighty Boosh has been described
as “sexy” by on TV critic. How sexy
are you?

JB: I’m incredibly sexy. I’m one of
the sexiest men in Europe.
NF: I’m actually the third sexiest
man in Europe.
JB: I’m both first and second. Only
in Europe, though–beyond there
you’re in Asia, and it’s pretty
sexy over there. My sexiest attributes
are my encyclopaedic knowledge of
Seventies and Eighties jazz, and my
moustache.
NF: My sexiest body part is my vagina.
I groom it. I’m a hermaphrodite,
which means I can love myself.
JB: I’ve got a shenis. It’s the
opposite of a mangina.

St Valentine has a park named after
him in London that’s known for being
full of squirrels. If you had memorials,
what would you want them to be known for?

NF: I’d have a hair museum, where we
scalp people from history with the
best hair, and kids can try the
scalps on. It’s interactive. You could
try on Johnny Thunder’s hair from the
New York Dolls. You could have your
photo taken wearing General Custer’s
scalp. You could buy a burger that’s
woven from hair.
JB: “Scalps Of The Rich And Famous.”
We should bring back scalping as a
way to take power from someone
who did something wrong. After
they’re scalped they’ll think, “I
shouldn’t have done that, I’m bald
now. And dead.”
NF: It should be acceptable to scalp
somebody if they buy the same coat as
you. Or if they ask you where you bought
your clothes. Every time someone
asks me where I bought a hat, I should
be able to cut off one of their fingers.

How rock’n’roll do you think your
tour will be?

JB: We’re going to have a bus full of
drugged women.
NF: I’ll be in bed with peppermint
tea every night by ten.
JB: Who’s Peppermint Tea? Is she a
groupie?
NF: Yes.
JB: People can come along and see us
really fuck in, in a beautiful,
beautiful way.
NF: I plan to kidnap people from the
audience. They’ll never make it home.

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