basooniverse:

villainny:

pervertedhypocrisy:

unpretty:

unpretty:

I tend to not be very descriptive of hot dudes but it’s not because I want the reader to be able to project their fantasies or w/e, it’s because I am really bad at describing the kind of dude I find attractive. I mean, I can try, but none of it turns out as the sort of thing that makes you go ‘hm yes that sounds like a hunk’. Like:

  • “He had a figure like stretched taffy.”
  • “His was the sort of face that you’d forget was strange, until you looked away from him for too long and had to reacclimate.”
  • “His hands attached to his wrists like an afterthought.”
  • “You could grate cheese on his collarbones.”
  • “His spine curved as he stood, as if no one had told him he didn’t have tits to stick out.”
  • “His fingers looked like he might have snuck some extra joints in there, somehow.”
  • “If you looked too closely at his shoes you would realize that, based solely on length, he was clearly part clown on his father’s side.”
  • “He was tall in the way of large dogs that forget they can’t fit in your lap anymore.”
  • “He loomed, but apologetically.”
  • “It wasn’t just that he had a nice bone structure – a phrase used almost exclusively to refer to skulls. It was that he had nice bones. If it were socially acceptable to compliment a man on his skeleton, he’d have received them daily.”
  • “Everyone said that his metabolism would one day catch up with him, even as it became increasingly clear that the day would never come. They said it, anyway, to make themselves feel better.”
  • “His nose looked like something an octopus would draw if you could describe a nose to it, and if pencils worked underwater.”
  • “Something had gone terribly wrong with his eyebrows. Were they the wrong shape? Was there too much? Too little? Scientists still don’t know for sure, but they advise against looking directly at them for your own safety.”

i posted this three years ago and all that’s changed is that my grammar is worse

no, do this. I want to see the bear, mermaid, and the dude in the closet described like this. Please.

these descriptions are beautiful

“He loomed, but apologetically.”

every Julian Barratt character ever

“It wasn’t just that he had a nice bone structure – a phrase used almost exclusively to refer to skulls. It was that he had nice bones. If it were socially acceptable to compliment a man on his skeleton, he’d have received them daily.”  Clearly that’s Richmond to Dan Ashcroft.

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