things about cuddling that fanfictions often fail to mention:

  • “move my arm is falling asleep”
  • “i can’t breathe”
  • “just jam your knee right up my crotch. this is fine”
  • “omg get up you’re taking up the whole bed”
  • “did you just fart” “yes” “it’s okay. release your demons”
  • “did you just fart” “yes” “okay.” *ten seconds later* “AUGH”
  • “you’ve got bad breath” “omg do i really” “yes” “i’m so sorry” “it’s okay”
  • *hand is accidentally on a boob/nipple/genital* “omg don’t move”/”omg i’m so sorry”
  • *can hear the other’s tummy gurgle*
  • “i’m hungry” “i’m not moving”
  • “i have to pee” “nooooooo”
  • *right as one person is about to fall asleep, one of their body parts jerk and it scares the poop out of the other person*
  • *hours later when they’ve both fallen asleep and are no longer cuddling, one person stretches and softly punches the other in the face*


  • “do you remember when you used to think you were straight”
  • “do you remember when we thought we were just friends”


• get off me it’s hot

• you drooled on my pillow and I rolled in it

• you fell asleep and made a pathetic little noise when I made you get tf off me. I gave pity back scratch for 2 seconds until you passed back out

• you aren’t into PDA, but you are a cuddle demon who doesn’t know the meaning of personal space in your sleep

• your boner or boobies feel very nice, consider sexual time, but decide sleep is better

• Jesus fuck your feet are cold! Get away!

• fine steal my warmth, I am surely dying.

you say nonsensical things in your sleep and then try to argue with me about them. The more I laugh, the more heated you insist that there are ninja dinosaurs coming through the window fan or something.


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