things about cuddling that fanfictions often fail to mention:
- “move my arm is falling asleep”
- “i can’t breathe”
- “just jam your knee right up my crotch. this is fine”
- “omg get up you’re taking up the whole bed”
- “did you just fart” “yes” “it’s okay. release your demons”
- “did you just fart” “yes” “okay.” *ten seconds later* “AUGH”
- “you’ve got bad breath” “omg do i really” “yes” “i’m so sorry” “it’s okay”
- *hand is accidentally on a boob/nipple/genital* “omg don’t move”/”omg i’m so sorry”
- *can hear the other’s tummy gurgle*
- “i’m hungry” “i’m not moving”
- “i have to pee” “nooooooo”
- *right as one person is about to fall asleep, one of their body parts jerk and it scares the poop out of the other person*
- *hours later when they’ve both fallen asleep and are no longer cuddling, one person stretches and softly punches the other in the face*
- “do you remember when you used to think you were straight”
- “do you remember when we thought we were just friends”
• get off me it’s hot
• you drooled on my pillow and I rolled in it
• you fell asleep and made a pathetic little noise when I made you get tf off me. I gave pity back scratch for 2 seconds until you passed back out
• you aren’t into PDA, but you are a cuddle demon who doesn’t know the meaning of personal space in your sleep
• your boner or boobies feel very nice, consider sexual time, but decide sleep is better
• Jesus fuck your feet are cold! Get away!
• fine steal my warmth, I am surely dying.
you say nonsensical things in your sleep and then try to argue with me about them. The more I laugh, the more heated you insist that there are ninja dinosaurs coming through the window fan or something.