Hello, all. I’m happy to report that I’ve officially been done with finals for a couple of weeks now and have been indulging in rest and reading as a reward for having completed yet another year of grad school. Unfortunately, not all of my friends are similarly fortunate to be done with their own school years yet. One such friend recently showed me a list compiled during a tedious lecture that I knew I had to post for my readers’ benefit. So without further ado, I bring you the Top Ten Ways to Escape a Grad School Lecture, as inspired by characters from George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire series.
1. Ned Stark – Professor would consider my actions “treason” and would remove my head with a big sword. I would no longer have to listen to the lecture…
2. Tyrion Lannister – I would toss Professor several gold coins, and convince him to let me leave, in order for him to receive many more where that came from.
3. Khal Drogo – I would stand up in class, slam my books down, and walk over to face Professor. After a series a battle chants and dances, he would be too scared to tell me not to leave.
4. Lady Catelyn Stark – After the first rest break, I would find myself blinded by emotions of anger and sadness, which would urge me to confront Professor and bargain with him. I would agree to the terms of my release from his lecture, but upon returning to my seat, realize that I had made a poor decision of agreeing to stay for the next 5 hours, when we only have 3 hours of lecture left.
5. Lord Baelish – I would tell Professor “not to trust me” and then ask him if I could leave. He would then proceed to trust me and let me leave. All while wearing a devious smirk.
6. Bran Stark – I would fall to the ground, after being pushed out of my chair by Classmate, and paralyze my legs. Using a specially designed harness, Classmate would carry me out of the lecture hall.
7. Jon Snow – I would be conflicted if I should stay or leave. Deciding to act on my urge to leave, I would make a break for it, only to be corralled in the hallway and convinced to return before I was counted as absent.
8. Arya Stark – I would raise my hand, and demand that I be let out of class. When told no, I would call Professor a liar and lunge at him, stabbing him with the pointy end of my pencil.
9. Joffrey Baratheon – Once Professor finished a discussion of a really boring topic, I would sit back in my chair and slowly clap, then ask the class if anyone learned anything from his discussion of the previous topic. After agreeing with my sarcasm that they didn’t learn anything, I would order to have his tongue, which would get us all out of the lecture early.
10. Bronn – I would just get up and leave.
Well, there you have it. I hope you all found it as instructive as I did, and for those of you soldiering on through another week or two of lectures, just remember: though “the night is dark and full of terrors,” there’s got to be a light at the end of the tunnel.